A Mother, First

Oh, how I've missed you! The activities of my week have been many! I have had such a desire to continue on where I last left off; writing about the many individuals who are impacted by abortion and specifically how they're affected. But, I just haven't had a free moment to do so. I treasure how God moves within the blogging world, and I miss it when I can't get to it.

With the busy events of my week, and most specifically with something that happened just this evening, I was lead to interrupt my series, so that I could instead share with you my heart about being a mother, first.

I have shared with you before, but I have two wonderful and energetic sons (6 & 9 yrs. old). They are home schooled, so, not only are we always together, we are always busy. I tell you, my children are my very heart. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They have each captivated me since the moment I knew I was pregnant.

It still takes my breath away to know that God would bestow to me another chance to be a mother, after having two abortions. A day will never go by that I will ever take that for granted.

In my great appreciation, I determined from day one that I would do everything I could, to be the best mother I could possibly be. Not only did I want my children to be proud of their mother, but I wanted to make God proud.

This sometimes requires that I put other important things aside for their sake. Post abortive ministry is my passion, but, my first responsibility is to see to it that my family is well taken care of.

This evening, I was in the kitchen cleaning up and such. Thoughts of how to balance all of the things that are important to me were in my mind. My oldest son, Nickolas, came in and could see I was deep in thought. We began to casually talk and I shared with him that I had so much to do, and that I hadn't even had a chance to write a post on my blog all week. Nickolas knows how important this ministry is to me, and because it's a subject that also affects him, he, too, has a great drive to see lives healed and set free.

Nickolas walked out of the kitchen, and my thoughts turned to how it is that I honestly do not have to sacrifice too very much. The truth be told, my boys are so gracious to give me the necessary time to pursue that which I'm passionate about. It is together that we sacrifice toward this goal to see lives restored. When my heart couldn't feel any more thankful for the liberty my family gives me, I turned around to find the message pictured above on my refrigerator. It was left by Nickolas. My heart was so deeply touched!

Being a mother first, does not mean that you sacrifice for nothing. The time and love you give to your children will accommodate and even accompany the fulfillment of your passions.

I'm thanking God for my children this evening, and also thanking God for each of you! Nothing God does is by coincidence. He has such a plan for your life, and I believe it includes the sharing of mine.

The Impact of Abortion on Grandparents

I've recently shared that as many as 30-40 people could be impacted by every one abortion that takes place. Mind boggling...I know! Many people have yet to consider how much pain just one abortion can cause.

You may wonder how so many people could be affected, or even more, who these people are. There is a large demographic of individuals that can end up hurt from an abortion that they did not directly experience. Today, I would like to share about the impact abortion can have on grandparents.

GRANDPARENTS

Grandparents often will carry a deep pain after their child has had an abortion. There are obviously many circumstances behind every abortion that takes place, thus, the role a grandparent plays in the abortion will also vary greatly.

Grandparent trauma can be separated into a few categories:

*Parents who encouraged or forced their child to abort.

*Parents who did not know their child was pregnant and aborted.

*Parents who allowed their child to make their own choice about aborting.

*Parents who actively tried to stop the abortion but had no legal standing.

*Parents who find out later that their son or daughter lost a child to abortion.

For the parents who encouraged or forced an abortion, guilt, anxiety, mourning, grief, depression, etc., can all result. In many cases, the healing process can be similar to a mother's process.

For parents who may never discover that a grandchild was aborted, there may be no specific grief. The family may often experience a turbulent relationship with the aborting daughter/son, but rarely suspect a past abortion could be the reason for the difficulties. This daughter or son might become angry when a sibling presents the family with the first grandchild, secretly knowing that her child should have received this esteemed position.

When the parent allows the child to make the abortion decision, many times the grandparent feels guilt for not being more actively involved. This is especially painful when history shows the aborted child to be the only grandchild.

Parents who actively tried to stop the abortion but had no legal rights are especially open to pain and family trauma. As is the parent who found out later that their son or daughter lost a child to abortion. This is more often the case when their son's girlfriend/wife has the abortion. Denial is not a part of dealing with this pain. Grief is immediate and profound. Especially if the grandparent themselves is post-abortive.

If you are a grandparent who can relate to the above mentioned information, I want you to know that I am sorry for what you've experienced. Quite honestly, at this time, written resources and support groups for grandparents are few. I do know however, that much is being pursued to be able to offer much needed support to you.

Until these tools are made available, I want to encourage you to contact a pregnancy care center that offers post abortion counseling. They will offer a compassionate ear and do what they can to try to connect you with others who can understand and support your healing journey.

The peace that you long for may be obtained by acknowledging the loss of your grandchild(ren), and proceeding through the grieving and recovery process. By grieving your loss, you can find hope for a restored tomorrow for you and your child who had the abortion(s).

The tools on my sidebar can help point you in such a direction.

The fact is, abortion hurts anyway you look at it. It is only Jesus who can mend that hurt and provide the healing that you need. He desires to heal your heart, and He's only a prayer away.

As always, I am praying for each of you!

This Morning's Prayer

I've been on vacation for the last few days. I will be back with the continuation of my last post on Tuesday 1/20/09.

Just a few quick words to share the prayer of my heart this morning. The sanctity of human life has long been observed and recognized throughout the entire month of January. Today is often referred to as Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. Many churches and organizations abroad will use this day to provide an awareness of human life and the biggest disruption there could ever be to life; ABORTION.

My prayer today is that a new awareness would indeed come from all of the efforts that are going forth. But, that the facts be spoken with wisdom and sensitivity to those who are listening and that have been wounded by abortion. I know the pain of hearing or reading about the statistics of abortion -or- how horrible abortion is, when you're a woman or man who's been through it. Well meaning messages can interupt the flow of God's grace if we're not careful. May every word spoken and written today be selected carefully and hold a hope of life and healing to those who need it, in Jesus' name, amen.

Men Hurt Too!

There are a broad range of people that can be affected as a result of every abortion that takes place. In fact, studies have indicated that up to 30-40 people could be impacted by just 1 abortion. Those that are most affected are often family members, but there is an extended range of many others you perhaps have never considered; friends, hospital workers, fellow patients, etc. In my next few posts, I will cover some of the specifics on this subject. Today, however, my focus is on the the fathers of children that have been aborted.

The truth is, men hurt too! And while their pain will often manifest differently than a woman's pain, there are countless men out there that are unaware of what has really happened to them as a result of abortion.

I would like to share an article written and graciously shared by Jason Baier, who is the founder & president of Fatherhood Forever. Fatherhood Forever is a foundation committed to helping fathers that have been wounded by abortion, identify why & where they're hurting, and how it is they can heal from those wounds. Jason's desire is to help provide a new hope and a healed future to hurting men.


The Impact of Abortion on Men
By Jason Baier

When an abortion is performed, there are two obvious people affected: the mother and the aborted child. Extensive research has been conducted to understand the physical and emotional effects of abortion on women. However, until recently, little attention has been given to the other person affected by abortion: the father of the child.

For every woman affected by abortion, there is also a man; both equal parents to the aborted child. Yet because abortion is considered to be only a women’s issue, the men are left standing in the shadows, where they’re expected to stay, suffering in silence. Because they can not openly express their feelings, they can become angry, bitter, depressed, resentful, entrusting and even reckless in their behaviors. Some men may not even be aware that their emotions are a direct result of an abortion experience. They may be in denial about their experience, attempt to intellectualize their feelings, project their emotions towards others, or withdraw from social interaction as much as possible. They may also suppress their emotions, keeping them bottled up inside, allowing them to fester and eat away at their very core.

Our culture has an expectation that men should be strong and courageous. Any show of emotion could expose them as being weak and cowardly. It's this expectation that causes many men to hide their true emotions and pretend that everything is fine. Yet deep inside they're hurting, causing their relationships, families, jobs and responsibilities to suffer. It's a pattern all too common in post-abortion fathers.

The Role a of a Man

If you are a man who has had an abortion experience, you most likely will fit into one of the following six roles:

1. You and your partner agreed to the abortion. You may have supported her by taking her to the clinic and/or paying for the procedure.

2. You pressured your partner to get the abortion. You may have threatened to leave her if she didn't.

3. You abandoned your partner to avoid the decision all together.

4. You passively left the decision up to your partner. You may have been confused about what to do, or you felt it was entirely her choice.

5. You wanted your child but were unsuccessful in preventing the abortion. You may have offered any means to support her and/or the child.

6. You didn't even know about the pregnancy and/or the abortion until after it was done.

Whatever your role was, the end result is the same. Your role as a parent was prematurely cut short. Men have a natural instinct to provide for and protect their families. For many men, this instinct kicks in as soon as fatherhood is realized. For others, it takes a little bit longer. Regardless, an abortion prevents that instinct from being exercised. This in turn can leave men feeling empty, powerless, defeated, helpless, confused and without purpose. Thoughts of what-could-have-been can haunt them constantly.

As a post-abortion father, you will probably find that you are suffering from more than just one or two symptoms of after-abortion trauma. Many go hand-in-hand with each other and certain emotions will lead to specific behaviors. The first step towards healing is to acknowledge the possibility that your abortion experience may be the cause of your symptoms/problems. Look over this trauma checklist to review a more comprehensive list of abortion trauma symptoms. Trauma Checklist

There is Hope!

Although you may be at a point where everything seems hopeless, there actually is hope. You can heal. You can regain your life and find purpose and meaning. It's not easy, it takes a lot of work, and you can't do it alone. First, you must realize that it is completely normal, acceptable and healthy to mourn the loss of your child. Validate your pain and grieve rather than suppress it. Know that your pain will fade as you continue to heal.

Remember that you are not alone. Find a post-abortion support group so you can hear other people's experiences. This will in turn inspire you to share your experience with those who will listen and understand. The hardest part is learning how to forgive others that were involved. Recognize that they may have been misled or misinformed. Accept your role in the decision, whatever it was, and learn how to forgive yourself. Finally, acknowledge your child as an actual member of your family. Giving your child a name and creating a memorial in his or her honor can help you find closure and bring peace and restoration to your life. From the moment your child was conceived, you created new life. Even though your child was never born, you will always be a father forever.

I would like to thank Jason Baier for not only sharing this with us, but for his efforts to help men recover. I encourage you to visit his website: www.fatherhoodforever.org

Take some time to thank him for what he does!

My experience in this area has included serving as a counselor to those faced with unexpected pregnancies, women & couples that are hurting from abortion, as well as directing a Post Abortive Ministry. With this experience came a distinct understanding of how many men there are in our world that have negatively been impacted by abortion, and just how great their need is to receive healing. It is far bigger than I can communicate.

Out of this great need, I appeal to the men that have been through abortion. If you're hurting, don't settle any longer! I encourage you to use the resources found on this blog to find other men that have been there and that can help. Your life's wholeness is what others are depending on!

If you've been fortunate enough to find healing, reach out and make yourself available to other hurting men. Invest yourself and allow the loss you experienced to be turned into the gain of another man's restored life!

And finally, if you're reading this and this subject doesn't relate to you directly, please pause long enough right now, to pray for those that have been wounded by abortion. Please realize how much their future's depend on it! With your knowledge & understanding of this important issue, comes both an opportunity and responsibility to be a further voice that will impact our world and help make the difference that so many need! Awareness is the beginning, and knowledge really is power!

What Do You See?

What is it that you really want for your life right now? I can tell you that there were three things that my soul cried out for after having two abortions; FORGIVENESS-FREEDOM-HEALING!

I knew I wanted those things. I knew I needed those things. How to get there though, kept me a bit stuck. It was when my desperation for those things out weighed the fear, that I began to receive all that I needed.

The desperation that I'm referring to, some how lead me to the place where I could only envision one solution. You see, for me, I knew there weren't many choices. I had tried to forget it. I had tried to numb it with substance. I had tried EVERYTHING, and nothing helped! I knew I needed forgiveness & healing, and that without it, I would surely die. I could see that Jesus was my only option. Desperation helped lead me to vision.

The subject of vision has long been talked about, and an important subject it is. My thoughts on the subject were broadened just this last Sunday, when my Pastor, Bishop Gabe, spoke a message about it. I long ago discovered the importance of having a vision, and even more importantly, of writing that vision down, so that I, along with those around me, could run towards accomplishing it. In fact the bible even speaks about it in Habakuk 2:2-3:

"And the Lord answered me, and said, write the vision,
and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time,

but at the end it shall speak, and not lie:

though it tarry, wait for it, because it will surely come,

it will not tarry."

Habakkuk 2:2-3

However, I always related this verse to that of writing the foundation for goals and aspirations for the big things that God would through you, accomplish in the future. I had never before related vision to the process one must have in order to walk out a life of wholeness and healing. It only makes sense though!

I suddenly referred back to that time in my life, and then quickly thought of you all.

So, today I ask you: How bad do you want that forgiveness and healing? Remember, desperation can be a factor that actually leads you to vision.


The meaning of desperation is:

a state in which all hope is lost or absent.

It's often when all hope has disappeared that you begin to see (envision) the only possibility there is to changing. Kind of weird, I know.

The definition of the vision that I'm writing about is:
the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be.

My Pastor used a wonderful comparative when speaking about this: When you decide to build a home, the first thing you do is seek out an architect, and begin to put those plans on paper. You determine what it is going to cost, and/or what it will require. You see it on paper, and you can some how begin to see the finished product in your mind.

Because healing and wholeness from abortion does cost and require something, many continue in the state of longing (or excuses) because it seems easier than having to deal with it all. But the question again is: Do you really want to be healed from your abortion(s)? Do you really want to be free? Your miracle can come when you have the clarity to actually see it; THIS IS VISION.

If you have been unable to see the hope of a future, please know that allowing God into your heart is how your vision can be restored. It's when the junk moves out of the way, that you can once again begin to see clearly. When you see clearly again, you realize that you can help change your future by your willingness to change your now.

You have got to have a vision of wholeness for yourself so that you don't get stuck on how to obtain it, but rather you can run toward the vision to obtain it! You must have a vision of things greater than your current reality. If you cannot see it, you can not seize it.

Here are 4 questions to ask yourself:

1. What do you want?

2. How will you achieve or acquire it?

3. What will it cost?

4. What does it look like in the end?

I would like to refer you back to two of my previous posts (2008), that I feel might be helpful:

"Will You Let Him?" will assist you in identifying what you've been dealing with.

"Now What?", provides you with applicable steps to help you get started in your healing.

I also encourage you all to listen to my Pastor's message in its entirety. It's a rich word and one that can be applied to many areas in your life. It will be well worth your time! The message is entitled "Bringing It All In Line In 2009", and can be found on his home page.

Begin to envision your miracle today!

I wish to clarify that this particular post was written out of a desire to help everyone understand how important it is to be able to see a restored future for yourself. I can not emphasize enough however, that Jesus is the only solution to that restored future. Your ability to see it is an important factor, but ultimately, it is God himself that will give you the forgiveness that you need, the love that you long for, and the healing that leads to a restored life. --Bonnie

Premio Dardos Award

I would like to give a heart felt thanks to Lady Dorothy over at Daffodil Dreams, for presenting me with the Premio Dardos award! This award acknowledges the values that every blogger shows in his/her effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary and personal values every day. I am truly honored to be a recipient!

The rules to follow are:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment. Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I now proudly present the following blogs with this same award:

1. Tammy at Not Mine But God's Story

2. MiVida at How Can I Walk In Faith With These High Heels On!

3. Lisa at Speak On It With Lisa S.

4. Lisa at Consecrated To Him

5. Alene at Positively Alene

6. Joe at Power Up Love

7. Sharon at The Heart and Craft of Life Writing

8. Tiffany at Tea With Tiffany

9. Lisa & DeAna at We Used 2 B U

10. Racquel at Beauty Becomes Her

Talk About IT

Those who know anything about this blog, know that within it you'll find a variety of components that seek to provide a balance that meets it's objective. You will find stories, contemplations, encouragement, hope, wholeness, healing, and a special reverence to lives lost from abortion.

January 18th, has long been recognized as Sanctity of Human Life Day. There are some places where the entire week of January 11th-18th is recognized as Sanctity of Human Life week, and even more, some go as far as observing the entire month of January as Sanctity of Human Life month.

My heart is that it would be nationally recognized and observed. The beginning of the year is such wonderful time, in my opinion, to present education and awareness of abortion's truths. Abortion has long been a very controversial issue, and one that is often all together avoided due to the varied outlooks on the subject.

As a woman who has twice experienced abortion, my purpose is to now expose abortion for exactly what it is, and I do this confidently based on my personal experiences, as well as those of numerous women that I've counseled, and who share a similar devastation.

I've shared this before, but we must never get comfortable with the fact that 1 in every 3 women has experienced at least 1 abortion! Women everywhere are living with this dark secret, and unless we start boldly speaking about it, the abortions will continue -and- the lives of those who made such a decision, will continue in a bondage they are unaware of how to deal with.

This disturbs me more than I'm willing to accept.

My friend, Lisa Shaw, recently shared a message on her blogspot: http://www.speaklisa.blogspot.com/
that I thought was very prevalent. With her permission, I would like to share it with you all:


Let's talk about IT
by Lisa Shaw

What's the it? Abortion

We have to start talking about "it". From the pews of the church, to the homes, schools, companies and the street-life. From lower income to upper income -- abortion is affecting all categories of people.

Christians who are pro-life say, "It's a sin! We're killing off our babies!" Christians who are pro-choice say, "I think it's wrong but it's not for me to judge, it's for God to judge".

Secularists who are pro-choice say, "It's a woman's body and her decision!" Secularists who are pro-life say, "I wouldn't do it but it's not my business what any one else does".

The church's voice is silent in the pulpit and the pews.
The government's voice says freedom to choose!

The parents of the pregnant teen says, "I don't want my children to have to pay for their mistake in this way" or "I don't want this to ruin her life--she's too young to have a baby, she has to have an abortion"

The teen father says, "I'm not ready to be a father", "This isn't my fault, the rubber broke". "I thought you were on the pill or something?" "I've got plans to go to college!"

The adult man says to his girlfriend, "Handle it!" or "I already have two kids I don't need any more". "Now is not a good time".

The teen mother says, "My parents will kill me if they knew! I have to have an abortion". "I'm not ready to be a mother yet".

The adult woman says, "This is not a good time! I worked hard for this career!" "I'm on the pill what happened?" "I don't want to do this but I have to." "I have a child or children to take care of and I don't have medical coverage! How in the world will I take care of another baby?" "I'm afraid".

The pregnant rape victim says, "I didn't ask for this to happen to me!" "I can't love this baby after what that man did to me". "I don't even know who he was how can I deal with this?"

The pregnant incest victim says, "My father raped me and now I'm pregnant. How can I have the baby". "I'm ashamed". "I just want this to go away" "How could this happen".

Some say, it's not even life at conception.

Others say it's just an embryo and then a fetus so it's ok to abort in the beginning weeks.

Still others say, whatever the week(s) or months is not relevant, just do what you need to do.

We've heard all of our voices but...

What is the baby saying?

What does GOD say?

**I wrote this from my heart as I sit here this evening. It is not meant to create anger within anyone but it is meant to cause all of us to THINK about what GOD says and what are the voices of our babies saying? I wish I had thought about that 17 years ago myself. You can read a portion of my story under Stand for Life. Adoption is always a loving option in any situation.


Lisa has a heart for this ministry and writes boldly for the sake of "life" both pre-born, and for those who are struggling in life now due to abortion. Visit her at any of her three wonderful blogspots, or her personal website. You're guaranteed to find an insightful and timely word. And, don't forget to leave her some love!

http://www.speaklisa.blogspot.com/
http://www.lisashawshares.blogspot.com/
http://www.lisashawfitlife.blogspot.com/

http://www.lisashawministries.org/

I leave you with a video that I've shared before, but one that I feel is once again appropriate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AqPRcF7ZC0

Resolution Requires Action

Happy 2009, everyone!

Well, here we are; the end of a week, and the start of a new year. It's that time of year that we carefully examine our lives. We reflect on what the previous year(s) represented, and then determine that the beginning of a new year can be the time to perhaps, re-commit to reaching some of the goals that still haven't been accomplished. Failure is seemingly excused because the beginning of a new year some how represents a brand new opportunity to live.

When we begin our outlook for a new year........it's almost like a shopping spree for many. It's a fresh chance, so the sky's the limit! The down fall to this is when we choose not to follow through.

I've learned that a change or resolution is not necessarily going to happen because it is a new year, but will happen when you determine to do your part to allow it to happen.

Here's the definition of resolution:

A resolve or determination: to make a firm resolution to do something.

The act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.

There is fresh potential for 2009. In fact, I have much anticipation for the things that are just ahead this year. But, I also know that a new year is not in order to start anew in our lives. We are given this opportunity for a fresh start every single day! A brand new opportunity to live is available any time you decide that you're ready for it.

Jesus is ready to offer anyone the forgiveness of sins, newness of life, the promise of a hope and a future, and His unconditional love, anytime, day or night, Spring or Summer, Winter or Fall!

This is a gift freely given to you. The price has already been paid.

All that He requires is your heart.

This requires resolution. Resolution requires action.

May your resolution this year be to surrender your heart to the One who holds your future in His hands.

Resolution Requires Action!