Siblings of Aborted Children

Finally, a continuation! I have been sharing that up to 30-40 people can be impacted by every one abortion. We have covered the men that father aborted children, the grandparents of these babies, and today, I'd like to share with you about how siblings of aborted children can be affected.

Many times, siblings may sense a lost brother or sister without confirmation that this has actually happened. Imagine your son coming up to you and saying, "Hey, Mom! I had a great dream last night. I went to Heaven and played with my big brother, Jake." This actually happened to a woman who had never told her son about her abortion.

Some children may be told by a parent when at the appropriate age (this is a subject all its own that I would like to address in the near future). Children that are living at the time of their sibling's abortion may feel survivor guilt and/or a false sense of responsibility for the death of their sibling. Some parents actually victimize their living children by discussing with them whether or not to abort. Some even telling their children that they're choosing abortion for the benefit of the living offspring. This forces the children to feel like an accomplice to the death of their sibling.

When a mother gets pregnant soon after an abortion, it is often an attempt to recreate or make up for her lost child. If the subsequent child later learns about the abortion, it can be very traumatic for them. They may wonder if they would even be alive if it weren't for the death of their sibling, or why it was that they were allowed to live. This child can carry a heavy burden of expectation that he/she may not be able to fulfill.

If an abortion was done for convenience, social pressure or economic necessity, the parents will often struggle to make sure it cannot happen again. Subconsciously aware of their destructiveness, the parents can overprotect their child against projected hostilities. This child reflects parental need to control those forces that destroyed their sibling. As this child is kept free from exploring the world, so his/her intelligence, adaptability and curiosity are crimped.

Some children live in a somewhat of a haunted stage, living in distrust of what may be in store for him while parents conspire not to burden them with the facts. The child is haunted by a mystery, knowing and yet unknowing. He/she is afraid to ask for clarification in case they discover something more awful than they already expect.

There is growing evidence that siblings of aborted children are impacted more than not. Post- Abortion Survivor Syndrome will often be experienced at varying degrees and at different times in life. This impact can manifest in early childhood as well as later in adulthood.

This is an important area that must not be ignored!

While there are not, unfortunately, many tools available to assist siblings through the healing process at this time, there are some helpful steps that can still be taken. Living siblings must be allowed to grieve the loss of their aborted sibling, even if other family members maybe stuck in denial for the abortion itself. The truth is, the entire family needs healing.

Until you or your children grieves effectively, you are likely to find a part of yourselves that remains tied to the past. Grieving is not forgetting, but healthy grieving results in an ability to remember the importance of your loss—but with a new found sense of peace, rather than searing pain or confusion.

If you look back to my post entitled "Grieving, Mourning, and Honoring" (2008), you will find some helpful tools to help graduate your grieving process to a memorializing process, which can be an event that includes those whom you sense could benefit.

In addition, there are numerous websites that are available to help walk you through a healthy mourning & grieving process.

The repercussions of abortion aren't easy. It can be all the more painful to consider how your abortion(s) may also be affecting your child(ren). The good news is that the same great God that loves and cares for you, is also loving and caring for your children. Call upon His name. He will not let you down. I GUARANTEE IT! My life is a living witness to this!

As always, I continue to pray for you, as well as your families.