Men Hurt Too!

There are a broad range of people that can be affected as a result of every abortion that takes place. In fact, studies have indicated that up to 30-40 people could be impacted by just 1 abortion. Those that are most affected are often family members, but there is an extended range of many others you perhaps have never considered; friends, hospital workers, fellow patients, etc. In my next few posts, I will cover some of the specifics on this subject. Today, however, my focus is on the the fathers of children that have been aborted.

The truth is, men hurt too! And while their pain will often manifest differently than a woman's pain, there are countless men out there that are unaware of what has really happened to them as a result of abortion.

I would like to share an article written and graciously shared by Jason Baier, who is the founder & president of Fatherhood Forever. Fatherhood Forever is a foundation committed to helping fathers that have been wounded by abortion, identify why & where they're hurting, and how it is they can heal from those wounds. Jason's desire is to help provide a new hope and a healed future to hurting men.


The Impact of Abortion on Men
By Jason Baier

When an abortion is performed, there are two obvious people affected: the mother and the aborted child. Extensive research has been conducted to understand the physical and emotional effects of abortion on women. However, until recently, little attention has been given to the other person affected by abortion: the father of the child.

For every woman affected by abortion, there is also a man; both equal parents to the aborted child. Yet because abortion is considered to be only a women’s issue, the men are left standing in the shadows, where they’re expected to stay, suffering in silence. Because they can not openly express their feelings, they can become angry, bitter, depressed, resentful, entrusting and even reckless in their behaviors. Some men may not even be aware that their emotions are a direct result of an abortion experience. They may be in denial about their experience, attempt to intellectualize their feelings, project their emotions towards others, or withdraw from social interaction as much as possible. They may also suppress their emotions, keeping them bottled up inside, allowing them to fester and eat away at their very core.

Our culture has an expectation that men should be strong and courageous. Any show of emotion could expose them as being weak and cowardly. It's this expectation that causes many men to hide their true emotions and pretend that everything is fine. Yet deep inside they're hurting, causing their relationships, families, jobs and responsibilities to suffer. It's a pattern all too common in post-abortion fathers.

The Role a of a Man

If you are a man who has had an abortion experience, you most likely will fit into one of the following six roles:

1. You and your partner agreed to the abortion. You may have supported her by taking her to the clinic and/or paying for the procedure.

2. You pressured your partner to get the abortion. You may have threatened to leave her if she didn't.

3. You abandoned your partner to avoid the decision all together.

4. You passively left the decision up to your partner. You may have been confused about what to do, or you felt it was entirely her choice.

5. You wanted your child but were unsuccessful in preventing the abortion. You may have offered any means to support her and/or the child.

6. You didn't even know about the pregnancy and/or the abortion until after it was done.

Whatever your role was, the end result is the same. Your role as a parent was prematurely cut short. Men have a natural instinct to provide for and protect their families. For many men, this instinct kicks in as soon as fatherhood is realized. For others, it takes a little bit longer. Regardless, an abortion prevents that instinct from being exercised. This in turn can leave men feeling empty, powerless, defeated, helpless, confused and without purpose. Thoughts of what-could-have-been can haunt them constantly.

As a post-abortion father, you will probably find that you are suffering from more than just one or two symptoms of after-abortion trauma. Many go hand-in-hand with each other and certain emotions will lead to specific behaviors. The first step towards healing is to acknowledge the possibility that your abortion experience may be the cause of your symptoms/problems. Look over this trauma checklist to review a more comprehensive list of abortion trauma symptoms. Trauma Checklist

There is Hope!

Although you may be at a point where everything seems hopeless, there actually is hope. You can heal. You can regain your life and find purpose and meaning. It's not easy, it takes a lot of work, and you can't do it alone. First, you must realize that it is completely normal, acceptable and healthy to mourn the loss of your child. Validate your pain and grieve rather than suppress it. Know that your pain will fade as you continue to heal.

Remember that you are not alone. Find a post-abortion support group so you can hear other people's experiences. This will in turn inspire you to share your experience with those who will listen and understand. The hardest part is learning how to forgive others that were involved. Recognize that they may have been misled or misinformed. Accept your role in the decision, whatever it was, and learn how to forgive yourself. Finally, acknowledge your child as an actual member of your family. Giving your child a name and creating a memorial in his or her honor can help you find closure and bring peace and restoration to your life. From the moment your child was conceived, you created new life. Even though your child was never born, you will always be a father forever.

I would like to thank Jason Baier for not only sharing this with us, but for his efforts to help men recover. I encourage you to visit his website: www.fatherhoodforever.org

Take some time to thank him for what he does!

My experience in this area has included serving as a counselor to those faced with unexpected pregnancies, women & couples that are hurting from abortion, as well as directing a Post Abortive Ministry. With this experience came a distinct understanding of how many men there are in our world that have negatively been impacted by abortion, and just how great their need is to receive healing. It is far bigger than I can communicate.

Out of this great need, I appeal to the men that have been through abortion. If you're hurting, don't settle any longer! I encourage you to use the resources found on this blog to find other men that have been there and that can help. Your life's wholeness is what others are depending on!

If you've been fortunate enough to find healing, reach out and make yourself available to other hurting men. Invest yourself and allow the loss you experienced to be turned into the gain of another man's restored life!

And finally, if you're reading this and this subject doesn't relate to you directly, please pause long enough right now, to pray for those that have been wounded by abortion. Please realize how much their future's depend on it! With your knowledge & understanding of this important issue, comes both an opportunity and responsibility to be a further voice that will impact our world and help make the difference that so many need! Awareness is the beginning, and knowledge really is power!