Will You Let Him?

When I began to volunteer for a local pregnancy center, I was enlightened with a whole new understanding for the depth of emotional intensity that can follow abortion. For instance, I discovered that there was actually a "term" used to describe the emotional aftermath experienced. The term used was PAS (Post Abortion Syndrome). I learned that PAS was a form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The symptoms of PAS can vary in broad ranges from person to person. The timing of such symptoms can also vary. For some women, it is immediate that severe emotional distress will occur. For others, it can be 10, 20, 30+ years until it is recognized that much of what they have struggled with in their lives is directly related back to their abortion(s).

Some Symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome:

1. Guilt - For the woman who has come to believe at some point, either before or after the abortion, that she consented to the killing of her unborn child, the burden of guilt is relentless. There is little consolation to offer the woman who has transgressed one of nature's strongest instincts: the protection a mother extends to her young. Many post-abortive women believe that any unhappy events that have occurred since the abortion were inevitable because they "deserve it."

2. Anxiety - Anxiety is defined as an unpleasant emotional and physical state of apprehension that may take the form of tension, (inability to relax, irritability, etc.), physical responses (dizziness, pounding heart, upset stomach, headaches, etc.), worry about the future, difficulty concentrating and disturbed sleep. The conflict between a woman's moral standards and her decision to abort generates much of this anxiety. Very often, she will not relate her anxiety to abortion, and yet she will unconsciously begin to avoid anything having to do with babies. She may make excuses for not attending a baby shower, skip the baby aisle at the grocery store and so forth.

3. Psychological Numbing - Many post-abortive women maintain a secret vow that they will never again allow themselves to be put in such a vulnerable position. As a result, often without conscious thought, they may work hard to keep their emotions in tight check, preventing themselves from feeling the pain of what has happened, but also greatly hampering their ability to form and maintain close relationships.

4. Depression and Thoughts of Suicide - All of us experience depression from time to time, but the following forms of it are certainly common in women who have experienced abortion:

Sad mood--ranging from feelings of melancholy to total hopelessness.

Sudden and uncontrollable crying episodes--the source of which appear to be a total mystery.

Deterioration of self-concept--because she feels wholly deficient in her ability to function as a "normal" woman.

Sleep, appetite, and sexual disturbances--usually in a pattern of insomnia, loss of appetite and/or reduced sex drive.

Reduced motivation--for the normal activities of life. The things that occupied her life before the depression no longer seem worth doing.

Disruption in interpersonal relationships--because of the general lack of enthusiasm for all activities. This is especially evidenced in her relationship with her husband or boyfriend, particularly if he was involved in the abortion decision.

Thoughts of suicide or preoccupation with death--not surprisingly, in a study done by the Elliot Institute, some 33% of post-abortive women surveyed reached a level of depression so deep that they would rather die than go on.

5. Anniversary Syndrome - In the survey reference previously, some 54% of post-abortive women report an increase of post-abortion syndrome symptoms around the time of the anniversary of the abortion and/or the due date of the aborted child.

6. Flashbacks - Recurring flashbacks of the abortion episode can often occur during situations that resemble some aspect of the abortion, such as a routine gynecological exam, or even the sound of a vacuum cleaner's suction. Flashbacks also occur in the form of recurring nightmares about babies in general or the aborted baby in particular.

7. Preoccupation with Becoming Pregnant Again - A significant percentage of women who abort become pregnant again within one year, and many others verbalize the desire to conceive again as quickly as possible. The new baby, sometimes referred to as the "atonement baby," may represent an unconscious desire to replace the one that was aborted.

8. Childbearing Issues - Some post-abortive women maintain a fear that they will never again become pregnant or be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Some expect to have handicapped children because they have "disqualified themselves as good mothers." Many refer to these fears as punishments from God.

9. Interruption of the Bonding Process with Present and/or Future Children - Fearing another devastating loss, a post-abortive woman may not allow herself to truly bond with other children. Another common reaction is to atone for her actions toward the aborted child by becoming the world's most perfect mother to her remaining or future children. Likewise, the woman who already had children at the time of her abortion may discover that she is beginning to view them in a different light. At one extreme, she may unconsciously devalue them, thinking things like, "you were the lucky one. You were allowed to live." Or she may go in the opposite direction and become overly protective.

10. Excessive Behavior - Acting out excessively through eating habits, spending/shopping, sexual behavior, etc. attempting to compensate in any way for the pain and emptiness that they feel.

11. Alcohol and Drug Use/Abuse - Alcohol and drug use often serve initially as a form of self-medication--a way of coping with the pain of the abortion memories. Sadly, the woman who resorts to alcohol and/or drugs eventually finds herself not only having more problems but also fewer resources with which to solve them. The mental and physical consequences of alcohol or drug use/abuse only amplify most of the symptoms the woman is already experiencing.

12. Self-Punishing or Self-Degrading Behaviors - The post-abortive woman may also enter in abusive relationships, become promiscuous, and fail to take care of herself medically or deliberately hurt herself emotionally and/or physically.

As I prepared to become a counselor to post-abortive women, I studied and learned all that I could about this important subject. God took this new found knowledge, and added my personal experiences to begin touching lives. I was blessed beyond blessed to be able to counsel countless women of all ages, diversities, and experiences. When I reflect on the lives that have been touched and forever changed in our world as a result of this type of ministry, it leaves me with a tremendous satisfaction. It is nothing short of a miracle to be forgiven and set free from such a torment. It does my heart good to see the greatness that God does with the bad.

I rejoice for every life that has been rescued! I am also careful to not lose sight of the lives of many others who still need this kind of healing. It is my passion to see others set free, the same way God miraculously set me free.

I share with you the symptoms of PAS, so that you might gain some understanding about things you perhaps have been experiencing, and how it may be associated to trauma resulting from your abortion(s). I want to clarify though, that as glad as I am that the seriousness of abortion has been recognized through the "term" PAS, it is a term that I've never particularly cared for. I've always thought that the emotional hell from abortion was enough without labeling it as a syndrome. I firmly believe that the only way to be truly healed and set free from the torment of abortion is through Jesus Christ. It's important that you understand that God is not the author of sickness or "syndrome", and to receive His gift of wholeness is to understand that. I always made this a point to share with those I counseled, and I feel that it is important to share with you now.

With all of this said, realize that God is just waiting to deliver you -- He's prompting your heart right now! He can't wait to touch you, but it begins with your willingness to let Him.

Will You Let Him?

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3