Not So Happy Times

We're entering into a week of thankful reflections and traditional motions are being set into place to celebrate a day that many of us look forward to. There's a sense of great excitement and anticipation -- most of it being my own! I personally love this time of year. I'm captivated by the changing colors of the leaves in early fall. I love the warmth and crackle of a fire, cuddling on the sofa with a warm throw, the aromas of comfort food, scented pine cones, candles in the air, and watching the rain fall in varying directions and intensities. Thanksgiving Day is a holiday that I have learned to take very literally. I love that I can celebrate all that I'm thankful for.....and believe me, I have much to be thankful for!

I haven't always had these feelings, however. You see, my first abortion occurred in the month of October. I can distinctly remember the joy I once had for the season, drastically changing into an agonizing dread. What I once interpreted as warmth during the coldness was now redefined as a sadness that was just a dreary as the weather.

The cold, grey weather can indeed seem to only intensify the painful reminder of the emptiness that is felt without your child. But even beyond this, there was something very significant that I was experiencing during this time every year. It wasn't just the holidays or the weather. I was experiencing something that has sometimes been described as Anniversary Syndrome. It's not at all uncommon to have an intensified sadness during the time of year that either your abortion took place, or that your child would have been born. I can't explain this mysterious reaction our bodies will have, but somehow it just happens.

I have come to understand that it does not necessarily stop once you've gone through your healing. It can still happen, but it is not a defeating experience. I think it's important not to ignore or overlook the natural response that our bodies will prompt. I still feel it, and when I do, I allow myself to feel what I need to feel, then I keep walking my walk of victory.

When you experience the fullness of healing, or even more importantly, the fullness of Jesus, it lifts the former sting of dreadfulness for these times of year. God replaces it with a new perspective on how you can get through, and once again enjoy the seasons and holidays.

Whether it's an anniversary reminder, or the season that we're currently in, my prayer for those of you that are feeling this heaviness in your heart right now, is that God would uplift your very spirit. Don't ignore what you feel, but when these times do come, don't get lost in the gloom. Allow God to keep pouring out the spirit of gladness, the peace that exceeds our understanding, and return to you the joy of the seasons.

Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well.

I will turn their mourning into gladness;

I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Jeremiah 31:13