Continued Healing

I have learned over the years that when true healing comes, we definitely will reach a peak of wholeness and acceptance that equips us to walk out the life plan that God has for us. True healing establishes a secure foundation of understanding for where we've been in our lives, and anticipates our outlook of where we're now going.

I've also learned that in post abortion healing, God will continue to enhance our healing in subtle ways year after year. I completely understand and believe in the power of our God to provide quick and radical healing from some things. But as a woman who has been through both abortion and healing, I also know that abortion runs deep and engrossedly embeds our spirits. I believe that God has a great sensitivity for this deepness, and therefore, though He will get us to that peak of wholeness, He also recognizes that continued reminders of His love and healing power will only contribute to the unique wholeness that only He can bring. This is the kind of God we have! He knows the deep things within our hearts and loves us just the way He knows we need it!

There are a couple of examples that I'd like to give of how healing has continued throughout the years in my own life.

After going through the healing process myself, I began to work with other women that were seeking the same type of wholeness. In this, I found an instant connection to women that I would have otherwise never known or connected with. You start out not knowing a thing about a woman, then soon find that you both have this very heavy experience in common. Many of these women ended up becoming my very close friends. While God was moving upon their hearts, I couldn't help but to share their pain and their comfort because I understood every bit of what they were feeling. When they'd cry, I would cry - when they rejoiced, I would rejoice! Every time that God did a miraculous transformation in these women's lives, I would be increasingly transformed myself as I was reminded of the great rescue that He too, did for me. This is what I describe as continued healing.

In my post entitled "Grieving, Mourning, and Honoring", I mentioned that as much as I wanted to name my aborted children, I just couldn't seem to do it for some reason. I will explain this now. I will have to back up quite a bit to do it though, so please, bear with me.

Before my husband & I had our first son together, I can remember praying fervently for a child. At one point, I actually heard the Lord tell me that I would have twin girls. I could not believe what I had heard and I was ecstatic! You see, I could remember at one time admiring these two adorable twin girls that were about 4 or 5. I remember they had long, dark brown, wavy hair, they were holding hands, and something about them just warmed my heart. I had never prayed specifically for twin girls, but the fact that God would tell me I would have twin girls, told me He knew the desires of my heart. So, I excitedly told my husband, parents, friends, etc. about what I had heard God say. I've shared with you before, but it was a very long time until we actually conceived a child. When I learned that I was pregnant, I just knew these were going to be our twin girls. We were not told whether it was a boy or girl, and every time that the doctor only heard one heart beat, I knew that everyone would be in for a big surprise when I actually delivered. Well...I delivered my miracle SON, Nickolas. I was surprised, but definitely not disappointed. I knew that the twins would come in the future.

Several years after my son Nickolas was born, my husband and I began to speak about having another child. This time was much different. We prayed, and I quickly got pregnant. This was a very special blessing to me. God had already given us the miracle of one son, and the fact that He was now so easily entrusting another child to us, was, and still is, overwhelming to me. Anyway, I figured this would be our twin girls, and the long story short is that twin girls were not born, but my SON, Nolan Josiah, was. His name was also prayerfully appointed and is also a declaration of who he is:

Nolan - Noble and upright in character!

Josiah - Jehovah supports!

So, there it was! We had been entrusted to two little mighty men of God, and I wouldn't have changed a thing! At this point, I quite honestly was consumed with my two boys and had temporarily forgotten about the twin girl thing. I should also add that when Nolan was born, I had my tubes tied.

Anyway, life went on, my sons were growing, and I was busy being a mama. I continued to work with women in the same way, and everything was great!

THEN, one day several years after Nolan was born, when I was driving to work one morning and praying, the memory of the twin girl thing popped into my mind. So, I asked, "God, what was that all about? Did I miss you? I really thought you told me that I would have twin girls." God immediately replied to me and said, "How do you know that you don't?" Just as quick as He could say this, I recalled my second abortion and how it was that I had to go back so that they could repeat the procedure. God moved all over me and gave me the heavy revelation that the reason I had to go back was because there were two......and those were my twin girls! It's very hard to explain just how moving this new found understanding was to me. Once again, my life was drastically changed! I finally understood why I had not been able to name them before. It was because I didn't have two aborted children, I had three!

So began another chapter to my healing process. I set out to finally name my children. I always felt very sure that my first child was a son, and now I knew I also had twin girls. I prayed and prayed for God's leading on naming them. But, I heard nothing. Naming them was very important to me, but it was almost as if I was being so careful to name them that I just couldn't seem to do it.

One night in the middle of my sleep, I began praying and frustratingly asked, "God, why is it that you won't give me names for my children?" God simply replied, "Bonnie, it is yours to prayerfully select and appoint their names just as you did for Nickolas & Nolan." How simple but powerful! I raced out of bed to find my book of baby names. God blessed the process and before I knew it, I finally had their names. Just as with Nickolas & Nolan, these names were prayerfully appointed and are a declaration to who they were/are:

My son, Joseph Amado:

Joseph - He shall add!
(His life added to my salvation and destiny)

Amado - Beloved of God!
(Though I was too young and ignorant to realize my love for him at the time, he was always God's beloved)
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My twin girls, Atalie Janae & Evelina Janelle

Atalie - The Lord is mighty!
(The Lord is mighty in her and in me because of her)

Janae - A harvest of fruit!
(My life is the fruit of hers)
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Evelina - Life!
(Her life brought me to new life)

Janelle - God is gracious!
(As a result of her life, I was led to God's grace)


In my profile, I describe myself as a mother to five children. Many have not understood this before now - and now you have the answer.

I enjoy sharing my life with you, and realize that in so doing, it is another example of that continued healing!