Your Sins Are Behind You!

Several years after my husband and I were married, we began to try to have a child. Much time had passed, and still, to no avail. Although I had been freed from the sin of my abortions, a new form of guilt was now forming. As time passed and I still wasn't getting pregnant, I couldn't help but to feel responsible for what wasn't happening. Had I destroyed my chances of ever being a mother again? Part of me felt that I was being punished (I knew this wasn't true, but the enemy sure tried to convince me of it). I couldn't help but to feel that my physical body had probably been damaged as a result of my second abortion going so terribly wrong. Now, not only would I live with the repercussion, but my husband would unfairly be affected.

None of this was true of course, but the thoughts did plague my mind. In fact, much of the pain from my abortion experiences began to return. I didn't understand why it was all coming back. Here I thought I was healed...but realized much of my pain was still there. Condemnation can be so crippling, and will steal the joy from your life. This is exactly what the enemy wanted to do.

There were two key factors playing out in my life:

1.) I was still hurting and was still in need of more healing. I didn't realize this at that moment, however. I thought that because my sin had been forgiven, that that was supposed to be the end of it. I had yet to discover that although God can undoubtedly miraculously deliver someone, He more often times prefers to walk us tenderly through a process of comforting EVERY hurt, healing EVERY pain, and restoring EVERY part of our being. This takes time.

2.) The sin that satan tried to hang over my head in the past, was now being attempted in a new form. Because he could no longer defeat me in one area, he was trying to in another way. Remember, his whole objective is to steal, kill, and destroy us.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
John 10:10

Take notice to the red portion of scripture above. I held on strongly to that during that difficult time in our lives. This promise steadied my faith. I knew that God could do anything, and that nothing was too hard for Him! My husband and I prayed, our Pastor prayed, and our church prayed; together, we were all believing for a miracle.

And God did give us that miracle! God gave us a child! Oh, I can't begin to tell you how overwhelmed we were by what God had done for us. Our faithful God had answered our prayers! My son, Nickolas Royce, was born 9 years ago. His name was prayerfully appointed, and is a declaration of who he is.

Nickolas - Victory of the people!
Royce - Son of the King!

I was, and will always be eternally grateful to God for allowing me another chance to be a mother.

Throughout my pregnancy, I continued to trust God with all of the emotion that had resurfaced from my abortions. He was continually touching my heart, but what I didn't realize then, was there was always one little thing blocking my complete healing. I was attempting to work it out on my own, and that was only taking me so far. You see, I was taking claim to my deliverance, but I didn't realize how much I was actually still in bondage. I wouldn't dare share my past with anyone. I should mention that at that point, my husband and I were Youth Pastors, so I worried what people would think if they knew the truth about what I had done.

This all changed after Nickolas was born. One Sunday at church, we had a guest speaker from our local Pregnancy Center. I was intrigued as I heard them describe themselves as a faith based ministry that works to help women understand the importance of the life within them. Call me naive, but I never knew such a place existed. I knew that this was it! This is where I wanted to get involved!

Soon after, I called the Center and made an appointment to go in and speak to someone about becoming a volunteer. I still did not know too much about the place, or even what I might be able to do to help, but knew I wanted to try to do something. Upon going in, I was dumbfounded once again, when I discovered that they also offered counseling to women suffering from emotional pain as a result of abortion. Whoa! I was blown away! You mean other women were impacted like me? I knew immediately that this was the area I specifically wanted to work in. They informed me that as part of my training to become a counselor, I would also have to participate in the healing bible study that they offer their post-abortive clients. I learned that this would be lead by a woman who had also been through abortion. I figured that although I knew I was already healed, what could it possibly hurt? Silly, silly me!

This was the first time in years that I would share my experience with anyone other than my mother or husband. That in itself was incredibly validating. As I progressed into the actual bible study, God began to unexpectedly, but so very lovingly, point me to the important areas that I still needed Him to touch and heal. Each week had a new area to focus on, and each week was at times both exciting and difficult. Through this bible study, I found EVERYTHING that I had desperately needed. Everything in my life changed for the good, as a result.

There are two things that I would like to leave you with today. First, please realize that you are not on your own! If you're dealing with anything similar to what I have described, there are pregnancy centers all around much like the one I mentioned, that are eager to help. They've been there, and do truly understand. Take that first step, and you'll be so glad you did.

The other thing is, never under estimate what God wants to do within you. You may not think you need it, but God knows differently. Trust Him and allow Him to touch the places in your heart that still need it. Ask Him today to search your heart. You just might be surprised.

I mentioned in my last post that the blessings that resulted from the door that God opened with my husband were many. All of this was part of it. If Albert had not entered my life, I would have never discovered true wholeness from abortion........and even more, never gotten the miracle of my son, Nickolas!

Remember today, your sins are behind you!

(See video on link below)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyupDI0k86w